One of my favorite ’60s bands was Credence Clearwater Revival. The first line of their song “Who’ll Stop the Rain” goes “Long as I remember the rains been coming down.” Who’d have thunk that we Kansans would ever be complaining about too much rain? Then when it finally stops raining and the sun comes out, the humidity is so high you feel like it’s raining again! 

Even though I know how high rivers and streams get around here when we’ve had big, hard rains, I can take solace in the fact that we live well above sea level and don’t get hurricanes. I’ll always remember a picture I saw on Fox News a few years back of a casket floating down the street in Louisiana after a hurricane. I just don’t think I could live somewhere that was below or barely above sea level.

Wildlife are greatly affected by floods, too, as the water temporarily drives some from their homes. And severe flooding this time of year can be especially harmful, as it can easily drown fawns and destroy nests of young chicks of wild turkeys, pheasants and quail. It’s quite common to see more snakes, rats, mice and rodents during and after a flood, as animals that would normally not dream of parking themselves in your yard this time of year are suddenly there in abundance. If you see more critters around your home and buildings after an extended time of heavy rain, don’t worry — the Ark has not suddenly unloaded in your backyard! As the water recedes, they’ll be gone. With that in mind, here are some zingers I came up with that play on our recent glut of rainy weather.

It’s been so wet that the other day I watched some rodeo cowboys practicing calf roping from seahorses.

I noticed a fire hydrant near the dog park yesterday that was so tired of getting wet it had on a raincoat. Another hydrant up the street was actually chasing dogs away.

It’s rained so much lately that last night the ducks in the park were all wearing floaties and carrying canoe paddles.

The other day I was walking along a creek where I trap beavers and heard a strange sound coming from the weeds ahead. It’s rained so much lately it was a beaver trying to blow up a life raft, but his teeth kept getting in the way.

I got stopped for speeding the other night, and it’s rained so much lately that the officer also gave me a citation for not having the specified number of life jackets in my pickup.

It’s rained so much lately that all the “crabgrass” in my lawn is pulling itself out of the ground and heading for drier land.

It’s rained so much lately that now when our dogs have to go out to do their business I strap each one to a pool noodle and just toss them off the deck.

I heard on the news that it’s been so wet lately the walking catfish at the zoo are wearing boots and carrying umbrellas.

It’s been so wet lately that a fish I caught the other day actually climbed into the boat on its own and thanked me for finally pulling it from the lake.

During the summer we pick up unwanted apples and feed them to the deer by scattering them on the ground around our deer feeders where we have trail cameras. It’s rained so much lately that we actually have pictures of deer bobbing for apples.

Mosquitoes love wet weather, but it’s rained so much lately that our Kansas mosquitoes are flying around with protest signs.

A bull frog’s call sounds like a deep base “harum, harum, harum,” but it’s been so wet lately that the other night I would swear one frog was saying “enough, enough, enough.”

As the saying goes here in Kansas, “If you don’t like the weather, wait five minutes and it will change.” Today it’s nice and sunny, but when it gets hot, I’m sure I’ll complain about that, too. I guess it all boils down to which I dislike the most, but at least hot, sunny days won’t cause the local ducks to wear floaties and carry canoe paddles . … Continue to Explore Kansas Outdoors.

Steve can be contacted by email at stevenrgilliland@gmail.com.

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